Are you tired of the greeting cards you find in CVS? Do they take some small version of your actual feelings about Easter, your friend's graduation, your ex-girlfriend's wedding or Mother's Day and twist it into something magical and hyper-sincere? We're writers! We like complication and nuance. Sure, we're happy you're happy, but we'd also like to stab you a little bit!

John Cameron Fielder understands. Not only is he a former HFR editor, but he has a bona fide MFA. So, he gets it. And now you can get it, too. For $5 on his Etsy site, Marginal Sentiments, you can buy greeting cards that say what you mean.

This charming robot, for example, announces: "I'm an emotionless automaton, and even I can see you're loveable."

Right? That's not even my favorite! Get shopping.